6 Months Post Divorce and Going Strong

Six months ago today, I stood before a judge with my husband at my side, and signed the final papers that would, 30 seconds later, make him my ex-husband.  As brief as it was, I suspect I will remember that moment for the rest of my life.  I stood there next to the man I had just spent the last 14 years of my life with and actually told a complete stranger that I wanted a divorce.  Then, I heard him say the same.  Seeing as this was the first time he had ever actually spoken those words, it hit hard.  I managed to use all my strength to keep the tears away, walked out of the courthouse, and we went our separate ways.  Then I went home and cried.

It has actually been nine months, total, since speaking those words that cannot be taken back.  Who would think that four little words (I want a divorce) would change my world forever?  The three months between starting and ending the legal process were torturous.  We lived in the same house - happy family by day, separated as soon as the kids went to bed. Trying to keep things looking normal for the kids was ridiculously stressful, as well.  Add to that the normal day to day life of a job and kid duties, and it was, well, a difficult time.  The help of amazing people, and the grace of God, are the only things that got me through some of the worst days of all.

When I signed the final papers, of course, I had no idea what the future held for me.  I imagined some day I would end up in another relationship, or that I might move somewhere else, or even that I would just live on my own for awhile.  I knew it would take some time to get my finances re-arranged, and to get myself and the kids used to this new life.  I knew it would be difficult, but at the same time, I was already relieved that the pressure of living in a bad marriage was finally off; I could finally begin the process of rebuilding my life for me in a way that would make me happy.

Although there have been ups and downs along the way, and lots of them, depending on the situation, things have started to level out a bit.  I finished my master's degree by earning a scholarship to pay for my last two classes, have somewhat successfully integrated several new initiatives into my classroom at work, and held down the fort for me and the kids with no one ending up missing, starving, or naked from running out of clean clothes.

I started dating a little bit a couple months after the divorce was final.  Nothing too intense, really just something to do while I killed time, I guess.  Although the men I went out with were nice people, there was no connection there.  Doesn't mean the dates weren't fun, they were (except the strange guy that I am pretty sure would have married me that night if I had suggested it), but I had no expectation of anything more.  I left the dating scene for a variety of reasons, and pretty much just started living life day by day.  I cut some negative people out of my life, and decided that only positive influences were welcome here.

I am thrilled to say that I am now in a serious, strong, and healthy relationship with one of the most amazing people (man or woman) I have ever had the joy of knowing.  I had forgotten how good a healthy partnership feels, and how comforting it is to know there is someone else to count on.  In other words, I am being forced to learn that I don't have to do everything by myself (even though I want to).

Although I still have my moments of sadness and frustration, I am completely happy with the way things are going.  I have no regrets at all, which confirms for me that this was the words I spoke nine months ago today, and the papers I signed six months ago, were very right in this circumstance.  I will never advocate divorce as a good thing because it isn't, but since my marriage left no other options, I am glad things have gone as smoothly as they have, and that the healing process is moving along nicely for both me and the kids. And, of course, I am always thankful for the amazing, strong, kind, and loving people who have walked with me through some or all of this long process.

Feeling Especially Blessed Today

It's late, and I have to work tomorrow, but as I sit here reflecting on what an amazing day it's been, and life I have, I would like to share some of what I was lucky enough to experience today.

I started my day teaching Sunday School.  Every Sunday, the alarm goes off, and I think UGH! Really, God? This is how you want me to serve you? Isn't there something I could do at night instead? But, then, I get there, and those precious 5-7 year olds greet me with their happy smiles and eager eyes, and it is all worth it.  They hang on my every word; if I say it, it must be true. They view me as a celebrity, and are excited when they see me actually IN church after Sunday School.  They smile with excitement as they wave at me and I smile at them.

After Sunday School was done, I went to church.  Seems kind of obvious, I realize, but I'll admit that last week I lasted 10 minutes in the service before going home to take a nap (blush).  The service was excellent.  Every bit of it was uplifting and meaningful.  It went by so quickly, and I almost didn't want it to end.

Then, after a 30 minute break, I returned to church for a ladies group ornament exchange.  There were almost 50 women and girls there to share in fellowship with each other.  What a fun time I had!  I'm so pleased that I made the effort to go this year.  Once I got there I realized it wasn't much effort, compared to the fun that was had by all.

A quick trip home to change the kids into their scouting uniforms and pick up a friend followed, and then we returned to the church for scouts.  While I was sitting with Alex's group, I saw a group of 7 year old boys' faces light up as I helped them turn a screwdriver for the first time.  "No, sweetie, not that way, righty tighty, lefty loosey."  I love teaching, even tools to little boys.  It's still got that aha! moment to it, which is so rewarding.  Meanwhile, another group of boys in the next room was making blankets for shut-ins, the older boys were doing a project outside, even in the rain, and the girl scouts were in the next building over, busy in the kitchen.  It was absolutely amazing to see a church so alive and at use, even when worship was "over" for the week.

I came home to talk to my dad on the phone.  I have two parents who are alive and who love me enough to call me regularly, even if it seems there's little to talk about.  They are coming to see us soon (19 days), and I can hear the excitement in my dad's voice.  He can hardly wait, and so can I.  This reminds me of my mother's fear of flying that was so intense, she went NO WHERE that required a plane.  Except Texas, after I and her grand kids moved here.  I'm so lucky to have a mom that would put such an intense fear aside for us.  I would miss her so much if she didn't.

While Skylar played, and Alex took a bath, and after tucking them in, I spent the evening texting with a friend.  I know texting doesn't compare to talking for real, but with kids and busy lives, at least texting allows for communicating at all.  And I know I'll see my "texting friend" soon enough, so this was just a "tweener" :)

So, as this amazingly blessed day winds down, I am reflecting on recent  changes I've made.  Overall, I've adopted an "out with the bad, in with the good," philosophy, meaning people who make me feel badly, or bring me down, have to go.  I did this a few weeks ago with a couple friends, and while it hurt at the time, and I still miss them a little, it made so much more room in my heart for the people who make me feel good.

I know I am blessed no matter what is happening in my life, but this week I have especially felt it.  I believe it was getting rid of the negatives that made it possible for this to happen.  It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did it, so that I could move on to focusing my time and energy on things and people that matter more.