My birthday is exactly one month away...I will be 34 years old! I know some of you are going to tell me how incredibly young I am, but I have to tell ya, most days I just don't feel it. Between waking up at 5:45 a.m. just to get my youngest on the bus, and rushing off to a workday that now starts earlier than ever, teaching one more class and several more students than I ever have, then running home to my own 6th grader in need of math help and attitude adjustment, a 3rd grader who has become quite the perfectionist, dinner (is there time to eat?!), forcing reluctant kiddos into bed, and getting myself to bed at a decent hour, I'm feeling quite old. And let's not forget, the importance of finding time for myself. Better squeeze it all in on Wednesdays and every other weekend! I must also admit, even- numbered birthdays always make me feel old...don't ask, it's just a quirk. The one thing that always makes me feel better, however, is remembering that my very best friends from high school and most of college, are ALL older than me, some by a whole year. One of the few advantages of having your mom start your schooling at age four, instead of having her wait the extra year :)
I'd like to sit and reminisce about all the things I have accomplished in the last year, but much of it is a blur. I do remember my birthday last year being absolutely sad and depressing. Although it's not about the gifts, it also sucks when you don't get one. Now, my awesome mom and dad DID send me money, but it was a month early, and I think I spent it on work clothes, woo hoo. The kids' dad did get a gift card to Half-Price Books, which I normally would have loved, but he was shoving it in the envelope as he walked through the door, tossed it at me, and told me he didn't know what I'd like. I remember standing there thinking, "14 years, and you don't know what I'd like?" Yeah, a good indication I did the right thing. Some people who normally would have gotten me gifts just didn't, and some didn't even recognize it; I sat home by myself wondering what had happened. I don't want to sound like a brat, it was just a totally different experience for me, and a little tough to take at the time.
I guess I actually have accomplished a lot. The year actually has flown by My kids, especially Skylar, have gotten huge, tons smarter, and far more independent (finally, thank you God!). We took in some animals for fostering until they found their forever homes. And somehow acquired our neighbor's dog when I yelled at him about calling animal control the next time he got out. I've had to eat my words a few times when he got out on me, too.
I've learned how to work with someone I sometimes despise, because it makes my kids feel better. I've learned how to better choose my battles and words (but I'm still working on this one!). Unlike many people, I take a lot of heat before finally deciding I've had enough. I'm learning to be less tolerant. My kids and I have spent a lot of nights, just the three of us, laughing at ourselves and each other, and sometimes yelling at ourselves and each other. I've learned to be more patient with them, as they experience bad days, just like I do.
I have had the great pleasure of watching my little girl turn into a beautiful and amazing young lady. She thinks she hates me often enough, but when it really matters, she gives me nothing but love and compassion, even when I don't really deserve it sometimes. She has begun taking care of her brother and herself independently, making me realize just how fast time has gone by. When she sees me sad she always offers me a hug and tells me she's sorry that I am feeling sad. She tells me it will all be okay soon, and that she loves me. She's right. Today she sent me a text to tell me that she loves me. Just because she thought I'd want to know. I love her, too. More than she will ever understand (at least until she has kids of her own).
Professionally, I think I have pulled things together quite nicely, thanks in large part to the powers that be who finally decided to actually give me curricula and materials. I'm enjoying my job, finding it easy to stay organized and on task, and look forward to going to work each morning to see what new challenges my school babies will bring my way. In my fifth year of teaching, I am finally feeling like a real, live teacher. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just good at faking it til I make it. Maybe I've finally made it, at least temporarily. Hopefully, I will never think I have completely made it; I don't want to be come lazy and disengaged with my teaching.
I guess this year has had some serious ups and downs, luckily more ups than downs. I try to remind myself that God is just using them to teach me something, even if I don't know what it is. Living in the moment is a challenge to a control freak like myself. I mean, doesn't God know I am perfectly capable of planning out the rest of my life? Why does he insist on proving me wrong? Geez Louise!
By the time I finished this post, it is actually now 26 days until my birthday. I actually decided to take my life into my own hands and pull together my own girls night birthday celebration for myself. I'm looking forward to it in so many ways! For now, I will focus on enjoying my odd-numbered age, and all the joys of being a multiple of 11. On a side note, last year I told my students I was turning a multiple of 11, and one of them yelled "77!" I'm so proud he knows his multiples :)
Friday, September 14, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Back to school...again...the 2012 version
Here we go again - the start of another school year is upon us. Teachers in my district have already been working for a week, preparing ourselves and our classrooms for those little souls who will walk through our doors Tuesday morning. For the first time ever, I am really looking forward to what I think will be a really solid, productive, and positive year.
Of course, with every school year, change is inevitable. New teachers and leadership, initiatives and laws, students and situations, curriculum and materials. Sometimes it feels like education is a never ending revolving door, where things just come in and out so quickly; it is sometimes blinding. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but can become overwhelming when one just gets used to something new, just to have it change again in a couple months. I always thank the people in charge for the vote of confidence...if they didn't think we were amazing enough to keep changing gears, they wouldn't ask us to keep doing it!
I am particularly excited because, finally, after fours of teaching math intervention, we are being given an actual curriculum to use. No more looking through tons of resources for just the right thing, just to find it needs to be adapted anyway. I and my teammate have found this so time consuming that we get burnt out each year quite quickly. I like going into this year knowing exactly what is expected of me, and, most importantly, how to do it.
Now it's time for a little bit of my soapbox regarding my role as a teacher of children. There are two things I truly believe about children, and how I want to regard them.
First, middle schoolers are little kids! I know some of them have big attitudes and others have big bodies. They may have big problems and other big things in their lives. But they are still little kids. They like to think they know and can handle anything, but they're not quite as strong as they like to think. Children of this age lack experience and judgment that adults have; more importantly, the lack the emotional maturity required to be as independent as they like to act. This is not to say that they are stupid, because they surely are not. It's just a reminder to be gentle with my words and actions, and to remember to treat my students as I would want my own children to be treated in school.
Second, I actually detest the phrase "at risk." I understand it's intent as a way to identify children who may be in need of some extra attention in various areas, but who is to say that a child who doesn't have that label is in fact, not at risk? It is impossible for a teacher to tell exactly what goes on in a student's home as they grow accustomed to hiding it well. There is no way for me to know if a student is dealing with an absent parent, financial issues, drug or alcohol dependency, family issues, lack of food in the house, or a variety of other issues. More than anything else, this is the key - even well-behaved white children who do not receive free lunch or live in poverty can be just as at risk as the children or have been labeled as such. As a result, I prefer to try and teach each child as he or she is at risk. This is such a vulnerable age; anything can be a cause for crisis in an adolescent's mind.
So, with 3 days left to go, I'm putting on my official teacher hat, getting ready for that first day of school, and looking forward to a fantabulous year (yes, I am a professional word-maker-upper).
Of course, with every school year, change is inevitable. New teachers and leadership, initiatives and laws, students and situations, curriculum and materials. Sometimes it feels like education is a never ending revolving door, where things just come in and out so quickly; it is sometimes blinding. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but can become overwhelming when one just gets used to something new, just to have it change again in a couple months. I always thank the people in charge for the vote of confidence...if they didn't think we were amazing enough to keep changing gears, they wouldn't ask us to keep doing it!
I am particularly excited because, finally, after fours of teaching math intervention, we are being given an actual curriculum to use. No more looking through tons of resources for just the right thing, just to find it needs to be adapted anyway. I and my teammate have found this so time consuming that we get burnt out each year quite quickly. I like going into this year knowing exactly what is expected of me, and, most importantly, how to do it.
Now it's time for a little bit of my soapbox regarding my role as a teacher of children. There are two things I truly believe about children, and how I want to regard them.
First, middle schoolers are little kids! I know some of them have big attitudes and others have big bodies. They may have big problems and other big things in their lives. But they are still little kids. They like to think they know and can handle anything, but they're not quite as strong as they like to think. Children of this age lack experience and judgment that adults have; more importantly, the lack the emotional maturity required to be as independent as they like to act. This is not to say that they are stupid, because they surely are not. It's just a reminder to be gentle with my words and actions, and to remember to treat my students as I would want my own children to be treated in school.
Second, I actually detest the phrase "at risk." I understand it's intent as a way to identify children who may be in need of some extra attention in various areas, but who is to say that a child who doesn't have that label is in fact, not at risk? It is impossible for a teacher to tell exactly what goes on in a student's home as they grow accustomed to hiding it well. There is no way for me to know if a student is dealing with an absent parent, financial issues, drug or alcohol dependency, family issues, lack of food in the house, or a variety of other issues. More than anything else, this is the key - even well-behaved white children who do not receive free lunch or live in poverty can be just as at risk as the children or have been labeled as such. As a result, I prefer to try and teach each child as he or she is at risk. This is such a vulnerable age; anything can be a cause for crisis in an adolescent's mind.
So, with 3 days left to go, I'm putting on my official teacher hat, getting ready for that first day of school, and looking forward to a fantabulous year (yes, I am a professional word-maker-upper).
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