So, I guess I've reached the point in my life where I can almost say, yeah, I got divorced once. A long time ago. I know it hasn't really been that long, less than 3 months to be exact. Still, life has moved along, and with it I guess I have, too. Believe me, I still have my weepy, "where did my 'perfect' life go moments," but they are much fewer and much farther in between. Additionally, when I see others going through the same boat I was in not too long ago, I no longer feel the need to cry with them. I don't see myself in that boat anymore, which is a good thing. Now, I'm probably in the boat next to them.
I guess I just never noticed it before, but divorce is a common thread these days. It seems everywhere I look someone *I* know is getting divorced, like me. I feel like such a trendsetter sometimes :) I wonder if there will ever come a day when there is no one left to get divorced? That's a kind of scary thought.
So, I'm floating along in my non-going through a divorce boat, just taking stuff as it comes. As long as it doesn't come too hard or fast, I'm good. When it comes too hard and fast, well, I've gotten really good at praying quickly :)
Other completely random thoughts for today -
Skylar has started hyphenating her name (My last name - her last name). It's sweet, but sad, too. She is trying so hard to make sense of this thing that just doesn't make sense.
Alex has decided that in order to be the tether ball champion, he is going to play with the really good player, pretend he doesn't know what he's doing, learn the other kid's tricks, practice them on someone else, then come back and use the kid's own moves to beat him. I'm such a proud parent :)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
That's What Friends are For..
I would like to say that I have been blessed with some of the best friends around. Many times, they have come to my rescue, more so in the last 6 months than ever before. It is comforting to know that one phone call and whatever I cannot handle will be taken care of by someone who loves me on the other end of the phone, even if they, themselves, are busy.
From the tangible to the intangible, my welfare is being looked out for by others all around me. When I needed (and still need) someone to cry to, they are there, though they understand I will not actually cry in front of them, and they don't push me there, either. I have been consumed with paperwork in the last six months, as well. Whether it was filing divorce paperwork, child support orders, work for my classes, or mortgage paperwork, it all gets crazy and overwhelming to me. I know that, in the end, I could have taken care of it eventually, but having someone to get me through that step today just renewed my spirit for everything else I need to tackle today.
Finishing up my paper for my final master's class has been a nightmare. Due to my own mistake and oversight, I ended up have to re-find all of my references from 18 months ago! All 45 of them! What a nightmare! It had me in tears for days. Thank you for helping me take care of that, even though it took days of your time, as well. When I get stressed that I won't finish, or that I want to quit, they jump to my side and keep me going.
Those are just the big crises I have been through in the last couple weeks, but there are several smaller ones, where others have jumped to my aide. Sorting out the maze of family court, organizing my house, caring for my kids when I needed a break, finding a way for us to get to NY for our vacation, covering my butt at work when I couldn't stand in front of a group of students without crying, getting me out of the house for a change, and just telling me it will be okay. Sometimes, just a facebook note that I am okay, have not lost my mind, and will get through whatever the crisis of the moment is makes me feel so much stronger. All these things have gotten me through the times when I wasn't quite as tough as I try to appear.
Through this entire process, I have learned to lean on those around me more than ever before. I am learning that my life does not need to be a completely closed book, and that opening up gives people the opportunity to offer me the help they have to give. I have learned that I am not alone in every adventure life throws my way, nor do I have to take control of everything, because others can, and will, do it.
Finally, the thing that touches me the most, is that when I say thank you, or I owe you, or any other term of gratitude, they all just smile and say you're welcome, in that way that tells me I never have to repay them. It's just what friends do.
From the tangible to the intangible, my welfare is being looked out for by others all around me. When I needed (and still need) someone to cry to, they are there, though they understand I will not actually cry in front of them, and they don't push me there, either. I have been consumed with paperwork in the last six months, as well. Whether it was filing divorce paperwork, child support orders, work for my classes, or mortgage paperwork, it all gets crazy and overwhelming to me. I know that, in the end, I could have taken care of it eventually, but having someone to get me through that step today just renewed my spirit for everything else I need to tackle today.
Finishing up my paper for my final master's class has been a nightmare. Due to my own mistake and oversight, I ended up have to re-find all of my references from 18 months ago! All 45 of them! What a nightmare! It had me in tears for days. Thank you for helping me take care of that, even though it took days of your time, as well. When I get stressed that I won't finish, or that I want to quit, they jump to my side and keep me going.
Those are just the big crises I have been through in the last couple weeks, but there are several smaller ones, where others have jumped to my aide. Sorting out the maze of family court, organizing my house, caring for my kids when I needed a break, finding a way for us to get to NY for our vacation, covering my butt at work when I couldn't stand in front of a group of students without crying, getting me out of the house for a change, and just telling me it will be okay. Sometimes, just a facebook note that I am okay, have not lost my mind, and will get through whatever the crisis of the moment is makes me feel so much stronger. All these things have gotten me through the times when I wasn't quite as tough as I try to appear.
Through this entire process, I have learned to lean on those around me more than ever before. I am learning that my life does not need to be a completely closed book, and that opening up gives people the opportunity to offer me the help they have to give. I have learned that I am not alone in every adventure life throws my way, nor do I have to take control of everything, because others can, and will, do it.
Finally, the thing that touches me the most, is that when I say thank you, or I owe you, or any other term of gratitude, they all just smile and say you're welcome, in that way that tells me I never have to repay them. It's just what friends do.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
My Baby Girl's Turning 11!
Reflections on the last 11 years with my baby girl:
I found out I was pregnant the day before I started my first job after finishing college. No insurance, Fiancee has no job. I cried how this pregnancy didn't fit into my life plan, I just couldn't have a baby. I wasn't supposed to have a baby for another 3 years! Luckily, my now ex was a reasonable person and talked some sense into me. He took good care of me and her. Soon after, I became so excited about our soon to be baby girl, and couldn't wait for her arrival.
Skylar was born 8 days past her due date, for which I was so thankful, having just moved from NY to VT at 38 weeks. This was a good move so that my ex would have a job and I could stay home with her.
What a precious baby she was. Perfect in every way. She had the most beautiful eyes, fingers, toes, well, everything really. She also had the best smile, laugh, and everything else. It's so easy to fall in love with such a perfect blessing, as all parents will tell you (since all babies are perfect).
When she was 2, she went through the cute little pigtails stage. She finally started talking, and hasn't stopped since. She was easy to potty train, and lived for helping me around the house.
When she turned 3, we moved back to NY. Our living situation was bad, and I could sense it in her. Even at 3, she was unhappy. Still, she was my precious baby girl. She loved to play at the park and go to the library. She wanted to be Bob the Builder when she grew up and was offended if anyone called her Wendy. She was Bob for Halloween, had all of his characters, and when she got her first big girl canopy bed, I had to make her a Bob the Builder canopy for it. That was my first sewing project ever. She also wanted to be Mary Poppins. She would watch it every day, and on the days I said no, but offered to put the music on instead, she would stare at the blank tv and tell me she was "watching" it. She used to say when she wanted to change activities, "I have to go now, the winds have changed." Silly girl! For Christmas that year she wanted a fire truck, a blue marble, and a purple parasol.
At 4, we had moved again and live in her grandparents' house. What a blessing they were! With a new baby, living on my own while my ex was out of town, they were life savers. Her Pepa was her best friend. And she loved our new home. She loved to ride her tricycle all over town, and still lived for the library. She made her first best friend, Ana. They were so stinking cute together! This is when she started to show herself as truly kind and compassionate. She was very responsible and took care of herself well for just 4 years old. At the time we thought she was so big, looking back, she was sooooo little! Her Pepa died this year, after living with them for a year, which was tough on her. She still remembers that day.
At 5, she went to preschool again, instead of kindergarten. All the kids loved her, and she loved them. She was such a smart girl, but we made the decision because she was socially "still learning." I'm glad we made the choice, she fits right in now. She began doing things like t-ball and swimming lessons. She was an awesome swimmer, once I paid her a quarter to put her head all the way under :) Who says bribery is wrong?!
At 6, she went to Kindergarten. I cried. My baby girl didn't need me anymore! She was "the boss" of the classroom. Her teacher told me, "She likes to be the leader." I said, "just go ahead and say she's bossy, I know." The thing was, kids LOVED her! They let her get away with anything. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen! She was so precious and amazing in so many ways.
At 7, she didn't do so well in 1st grade. There were problems that I will blame on the school. It was a challenging time. This was the year it occurred to me that parenting wasn't always easy. It was a tough year. She was so smart, but something just wasn't right. She was a bear to deal with, and we started getting reports that she was being rude and uncooperative in school. Hmmm... I wonder what's wrong? We later found out that there were a few factors at play, but the biggest was her huge adnoids making her not sleep well, and she was miserable. Once they came out (a year later), she was a different kid. The thing was, I begged doctors from 3 years old to take them out, but they kept telling me there was nothing wrong with her. Stupid doctors!
At 8, we moved to Texas. It was a difficult move for us all, but she acclimated to her new school well. I loved her school. She was finally challenged academically, but not so much socially, which was a good thing. She missed her old life, but made new friends quickly for the first time ever. She got her purple and turquoise room, which she still loves. She loved to sing and read, and read some more. She loved science and math, and hated that girls only liked Hannah Montana and High School Musical.
At 9, she was pretty much the same as 8, only more mature. She started working on becoming a pre-teen with her attitude. Good thing, by 9, we already love them so much :)
Last year, she was in 4th grade, and she met her best friend. They get along so well. Of course, he's a boy, so we tease them non-stop about how they are in love. They deny it, but we all know better. I think they're soulmates. They love to play the same stuff, they are both very smart, and very mature. They are both pretty old for their grade, so I think that is why they get along so well. Plus, he's handsome, cute, smart, funny, kind, and has a great sister and mom. This is the family I want for my in-laws! She did so well in school this year, which was a huge boost to her self esteem.
So, now, my baby girl's turning 11. Her dad and I got divorced this year, but she seems to handle it okay. She's not happy, I know, but she has also matured enough to comprehend it. She finally made it into the gifted and talented program, of which she is very proud. But, boy, I'm seeing the homework that comes home already, and holy cow! Good thing she likes homework! She really likes the kids in her class, as they are all g/t or should be g/t so they tend to think the same non-trendy ways. Skylar is her own girl, and that is why people love her. She isn't afraid to speak her mind, and won't just go with the crowd.
I am so proud of my little girl. I couldn't have asked for a better child. I just hope she knows how much I love her, especially in the midst of our pre-teen power struggles. I am the luckiest mommy alive! I thank God every day for giving me her to take care of for Him.
I found out I was pregnant the day before I started my first job after finishing college. No insurance, Fiancee has no job. I cried how this pregnancy didn't fit into my life plan, I just couldn't have a baby. I wasn't supposed to have a baby for another 3 years! Luckily, my now ex was a reasonable person and talked some sense into me. He took good care of me and her. Soon after, I became so excited about our soon to be baby girl, and couldn't wait for her arrival.
Skylar was born 8 days past her due date, for which I was so thankful, having just moved from NY to VT at 38 weeks. This was a good move so that my ex would have a job and I could stay home with her.
What a precious baby she was. Perfect in every way. She had the most beautiful eyes, fingers, toes, well, everything really. She also had the best smile, laugh, and everything else. It's so easy to fall in love with such a perfect blessing, as all parents will tell you (since all babies are perfect).
When she was 2, she went through the cute little pigtails stage. She finally started talking, and hasn't stopped since. She was easy to potty train, and lived for helping me around the house.
When she turned 3, we moved back to NY. Our living situation was bad, and I could sense it in her. Even at 3, she was unhappy. Still, she was my precious baby girl. She loved to play at the park and go to the library. She wanted to be Bob the Builder when she grew up and was offended if anyone called her Wendy. She was Bob for Halloween, had all of his characters, and when she got her first big girl canopy bed, I had to make her a Bob the Builder canopy for it. That was my first sewing project ever. She also wanted to be Mary Poppins. She would watch it every day, and on the days I said no, but offered to put the music on instead, she would stare at the blank tv and tell me she was "watching" it. She used to say when she wanted to change activities, "I have to go now, the winds have changed." Silly girl! For Christmas that year she wanted a fire truck, a blue marble, and a purple parasol.
At 4, we had moved again and live in her grandparents' house. What a blessing they were! With a new baby, living on my own while my ex was out of town, they were life savers. Her Pepa was her best friend. And she loved our new home. She loved to ride her tricycle all over town, and still lived for the library. She made her first best friend, Ana. They were so stinking cute together! This is when she started to show herself as truly kind and compassionate. She was very responsible and took care of herself well for just 4 years old. At the time we thought she was so big, looking back, she was sooooo little! Her Pepa died this year, after living with them for a year, which was tough on her. She still remembers that day.
At 5, she went to preschool again, instead of kindergarten. All the kids loved her, and she loved them. She was such a smart girl, but we made the decision because she was socially "still learning." I'm glad we made the choice, she fits right in now. She began doing things like t-ball and swimming lessons. She was an awesome swimmer, once I paid her a quarter to put her head all the way under :) Who says bribery is wrong?!
At 6, she went to Kindergarten. I cried. My baby girl didn't need me anymore! She was "the boss" of the classroom. Her teacher told me, "She likes to be the leader." I said, "just go ahead and say she's bossy, I know." The thing was, kids LOVED her! They let her get away with anything. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen! She was so precious and amazing in so many ways.
At 7, she didn't do so well in 1st grade. There were problems that I will blame on the school. It was a challenging time. This was the year it occurred to me that parenting wasn't always easy. It was a tough year. She was so smart, but something just wasn't right. She was a bear to deal with, and we started getting reports that she was being rude and uncooperative in school. Hmmm... I wonder what's wrong? We later found out that there were a few factors at play, but the biggest was her huge adnoids making her not sleep well, and she was miserable. Once they came out (a year later), she was a different kid. The thing was, I begged doctors from 3 years old to take them out, but they kept telling me there was nothing wrong with her. Stupid doctors!
At 8, we moved to Texas. It was a difficult move for us all, but she acclimated to her new school well. I loved her school. She was finally challenged academically, but not so much socially, which was a good thing. She missed her old life, but made new friends quickly for the first time ever. She got her purple and turquoise room, which she still loves. She loved to sing and read, and read some more. She loved science and math, and hated that girls only liked Hannah Montana and High School Musical.
At 9, she was pretty much the same as 8, only more mature. She started working on becoming a pre-teen with her attitude. Good thing, by 9, we already love them so much :)
Last year, she was in 4th grade, and she met her best friend. They get along so well. Of course, he's a boy, so we tease them non-stop about how they are in love. They deny it, but we all know better. I think they're soulmates. They love to play the same stuff, they are both very smart, and very mature. They are both pretty old for their grade, so I think that is why they get along so well. Plus, he's handsome, cute, smart, funny, kind, and has a great sister and mom. This is the family I want for my in-laws! She did so well in school this year, which was a huge boost to her self esteem.
So, now, my baby girl's turning 11. Her dad and I got divorced this year, but she seems to handle it okay. She's not happy, I know, but she has also matured enough to comprehend it. She finally made it into the gifted and talented program, of which she is very proud. But, boy, I'm seeing the homework that comes home already, and holy cow! Good thing she likes homework! She really likes the kids in her class, as they are all g/t or should be g/t so they tend to think the same non-trendy ways. Skylar is her own girl, and that is why people love her. She isn't afraid to speak her mind, and won't just go with the crowd.
I am so proud of my little girl. I couldn't have asked for a better child. I just hope she knows how much I love her, especially in the midst of our pre-teen power struggles. I am the luckiest mommy alive! I thank God every day for giving me her to take care of for Him.
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