Monday, March 26, would have been my 12th wedding anniversary. I haven't decided how to feel about that. Right now, I feel pretty much nothing. While I had been dreading this day all month, I had almost forgotten about it until I looked at a calendar yesterday. I'm not feeling the nothing where your body, mind, and spirit are void of any emotion, but more of a "big deal" type feeling.
Tuesday, March 27, will mark the one year mark from me deciding, and telling Dan, that I wanted a divorce. Of course, I've said it before, nobody "wants" divorce, but I felt like it was the lesser of several evils, and my hand was forced in this instance. In the end, it was my decision, but lack of action on his part was a decision in itself.
Tuesday will also be the 15 year anniversary of our first date, to Utica Zoo, in New York State. It was fun. And look what it led to. No, it didn't lead to divorce and misery. It led to many years of a happy marriage, and a beautiful family for both of us to share and love.
Although I'm doing well now, this last year has been quite the roller coaster ride, as I expect is quite normal. I had my moments of extreme sadness and happiness, regret and relief, seeming like it went by quickly and seeing it take forever. And even though there is still an occasional fleeting moment of sadness, I have recovered, healed, and moved on with my life. I've been told that I appear happier than I ever have, go figure.
In the past year, I have also seen a few friends go through this same process. I am still not sure I'm not contagious. Maybe because I'm a big fan of fake it til I make it, I make it seem too easy and non-chalant. Or, maybe it's a sign of the times. Either way, watching my friends go through it, kills me. I know what they are likely feeling, and what is probably ahead of them. I remember friends telling me certain things would happen, and I didn't believe them. They were right, however. So, I decided not to warn my friends, because it won't do any good anyway. I spend a lot of time sitting and listening, and only advising when asked. This part is so difficult for me, because I like to solve problems :)
Being a mom, my main concern, of course, is the well-being of my children. If they're okay, I'm okay. They are okay. What a relief! Nothing kills me more than seeing my babies hurting. The fact that they have survived and done well, is something I am fairly proud of, and thankful to their father for.
So, there it was. My pretty boring reflection on something that could have been so much more...exciting? Depressing? Interesting? I don't know what it could have been, but I know what it is. This is something that happened in my life, what I consider a long time ago. It's over and done with, meaning the days of worrying about it have been, and will continue to be, over.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Myers Briggs Personality Indicator
I took this oh-so-insightful test this morning. Again. It seems I went through a phase when I was in high school/college/seminary when I took this test at least yearly. It's been a few, and I'm pretty bored today, so I decided to try again.
My results are...INFJ, meaning I am a little bit introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. This what the website had to say about this:
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
I have to say, this test was scarily accurate. Although I tend to hover toward the middle of all indicators (except judging, that was 83%), I certainly have tendencies that are easily identifiable by those who know me at all.
For example, I thrive on orderliness. I like to know what's coming my way, and get agitated when things instantly change. This is not to say that I get into a crazy frenzy, or I wouldn't make a very good teacher. In settings where I expect change, like teaching, I handle it well. When I expect things to stay the same, I don't handle that change so well. I have learned to keep it under control externally, but inside my insides are churning.
Another example, I am amazingly intuitive. I have gut feelings fairly often, and they are almost always right. I often "just know" when harm is coming someone's way, and am often right about this, as well. Because I am intuitive, I sometimes come across as a know-it-all, which can cause problems with others. As a result, I tend to keep my perceptions to myself, until asked to share. You're welcome :)
In addition to my intuition for events, I am usually very good at reading people. Sometimes this makes people uncomfortable because I can "pick out" that thing they were trying to hide from the outside world. On the other hand, when they realize they've been "found out," they often become more open to sharing, which they find helpful
The test results also indicate I can be a bit stubborn, which I most certainly am not! Insert crossed arms and pouty face. Okay, I can be. This annoys even myself sometimes. At the same time I am easy going, as evidenced by my lack of having injured any of those 65 lovely and angelic middle school students that enter my classroom every day.
So, there you have it. Serious insight about who I am. Maybe this will help y'all understand what makes me the curious, eccentric, and interesting woman that I am. If that is all possible to understand.
My results are...INFJ, meaning I am a little bit introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. This what the website had to say about this:
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
I have to say, this test was scarily accurate. Although I tend to hover toward the middle of all indicators (except judging, that was 83%), I certainly have tendencies that are easily identifiable by those who know me at all.
For example, I thrive on orderliness. I like to know what's coming my way, and get agitated when things instantly change. This is not to say that I get into a crazy frenzy, or I wouldn't make a very good teacher. In settings where I expect change, like teaching, I handle it well. When I expect things to stay the same, I don't handle that change so well. I have learned to keep it under control externally, but inside my insides are churning.
Another example, I am amazingly intuitive. I have gut feelings fairly often, and they are almost always right. I often "just know" when harm is coming someone's way, and am often right about this, as well. Because I am intuitive, I sometimes come across as a know-it-all, which can cause problems with others. As a result, I tend to keep my perceptions to myself, until asked to share. You're welcome :)
In addition to my intuition for events, I am usually very good at reading people. Sometimes this makes people uncomfortable because I can "pick out" that thing they were trying to hide from the outside world. On the other hand, when they realize they've been "found out," they often become more open to sharing, which they find helpful
The test results also indicate I can be a bit stubborn, which I most certainly am not! Insert crossed arms and pouty face. Okay, I can be. This annoys even myself sometimes. At the same time I am easy going, as evidenced by my lack of having injured any of those 65 lovely and angelic middle school students that enter my classroom every day.
So, there you have it. Serious insight about who I am. Maybe this will help y'all understand what makes me the curious, eccentric, and interesting woman that I am. If that is all possible to understand.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Broken Seashells
(See previous post, "Uniformity and Homogeneity", then know I took the pen to paper, and wrote this...)
I am at the beach writing today - by myself. I must have randomly picked the right one, because this beach is nearly empty. The waves are rolling in at just the right height and rhythm to be soothing, which is an awesome thing!
I spent the first hour walking the beach, letting the cold water wash over my feet while I picked up seashells; most of them were broken. "Why would I pick up broken shells," I wondered. At first, I thought it was to spite my mother, after her many years of telling me to put them down. "We are not taking home a bag of broken shells!" she would insist.
But then a thought occurred to me, as they almost always do. Aren't we all broken in some way? Isn't everyone dealing with something that left, or leaves, us hurting just a bit? I think it's safe to say the answer is yes. This is not to say we are all laying in a heap on the bed crying ourselves to sleep, but maybe we are. Perhaps, it just creeps up on us when we least expect it. Maybe we do expect it but, don't know how, or want, to stop it.
Or, perhaps, while it broke us at the time, we have found a way to heal ourselves, leaving it as a mere memory. Seashells are not this lucky; once it is broken, the damage is done, and there is no going back. Unlike the shells, we have the power to heal ourselves, and to help other heal themselves. Leaving the broken shells on the beach would have just left them to sit there until they broke to a point of no repair. Leaving broken people will do the same.
I suspect this is the point where you expect me to tell you how to go about healing yourself. I can't. Healing has to come from within. Maybe it's deciding to give it time, or to do something to heal yourself. It could even mean calling on others for help, but in the end it is still up to us to choose to recover. Either way, its up to the individual to decide for themselves, then do it. I will offer one disclaimer, however. It is always best to deal with brokenness in healthy ways, not with things like alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex, self-injury, or other self-destructive behaviors.
So, even though my shells are damaged, some more than others, they still have beauty and value left in them. When I get home, I'm going to take my beautiful broken shells, carefully wash them off, and look for their beauty. Then, I'm going to put them together. My goal is to find a way to make them beautiful again, both together with the other broken shells, and each on its own.
I am at the beach writing today - by myself. I must have randomly picked the right one, because this beach is nearly empty. The waves are rolling in at just the right height and rhythm to be soothing, which is an awesome thing!
I spent the first hour walking the beach, letting the cold water wash over my feet while I picked up seashells; most of them were broken. "Why would I pick up broken shells," I wondered. At first, I thought it was to spite my mother, after her many years of telling me to put them down. "We are not taking home a bag of broken shells!" she would insist.
But then a thought occurred to me, as they almost always do. Aren't we all broken in some way? Isn't everyone dealing with something that left, or leaves, us hurting just a bit? I think it's safe to say the answer is yes. This is not to say we are all laying in a heap on the bed crying ourselves to sleep, but maybe we are. Perhaps, it just creeps up on us when we least expect it. Maybe we do expect it but, don't know how, or want, to stop it.
Or, perhaps, while it broke us at the time, we have found a way to heal ourselves, leaving it as a mere memory. Seashells are not this lucky; once it is broken, the damage is done, and there is no going back. Unlike the shells, we have the power to heal ourselves, and to help other heal themselves. Leaving the broken shells on the beach would have just left them to sit there until they broke to a point of no repair. Leaving broken people will do the same.
I suspect this is the point where you expect me to tell you how to go about healing yourself. I can't. Healing has to come from within. Maybe it's deciding to give it time, or to do something to heal yourself. It could even mean calling on others for help, but in the end it is still up to us to choose to recover. Either way, its up to the individual to decide for themselves, then do it. I will offer one disclaimer, however. It is always best to deal with brokenness in healthy ways, not with things like alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex, self-injury, or other self-destructive behaviors.
So, even though my shells are damaged, some more than others, they still have beauty and value left in them. When I get home, I'm going to take my beautiful broken shells, carefully wash them off, and look for their beauty. Then, I'm going to put them together. My goal is to find a way to make them beautiful again, both together with the other broken shells, and each on its own.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory"
"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory" --Rita Mae Brown
I disagree with this quote.
Happiness, in itself, is one of those things that everyone wants, but few know how to get. Many people spend years, if not their entire lifetime, looking for this thing called happiness, only to find it can never really be "found." According to Brown, in the quote above, the key to happiness is a bad memory; meaning in order to be happy you have to be able to forget the past.
But, is forgetting the past always a good idea? Isn't the past where we learned from mistakes that we, hopefully, won't make again? Isn't that where we learned what worked and what didn't, so we can move forward and do it better next time? I understand the appeal of forgetting the past, especially when it hurts. Things that people have said or done to us even years ago can haunt us forever if we don't make ourselves forget. Or, even worse, things that we have said or done to others can also haunt us if we don't make ourselves forget.
So, I'm wondering if it's not so much the bad memory that is the important part, or the ability to file it away for future reference. For instance, say a good friend went behind your back at work and caused a lot of trouble for you there. I bet you were mad, as you should have been. But just forgetting it may not be the best course of action. Maybe the better solution would be to process it, take what you've learned, then file that memory for later, if it ever ends up useful at a later date. Maybe you learned to be careful about figuring out who is or isn't trustworthy before divulging your every secret. Or maybe you learned that some things are better not told. Whatever it is, don't forget the past, learn from it.
The other issue I have with this quote is that "happiness" is merely a construct. It cannot be defined because it looks different for every person. My idea of happiness is probably a nightmare to some people, while the lives that others live is clearly not for me. This is perfectly fine, as long as each of us is happy in what and where we are in life.
Because happiness does not really exist, searching for it is nearly impossible. It cannot be found, but it can be created. Each of us has the choice to be happy or not; no one can make that choice for us. Sometimes it stinks that someone can't just come along at tell me, "be happy!" and make everything okay. But life wouldn't be worth much if it was just that easy. I consider it a great accomplishment when I am able to take whatever is bad in my life, file it away for another time (or not at all), and create happiness within myself based on all the blessings I have.
I disagree with this quote.
Happiness, in itself, is one of those things that everyone wants, but few know how to get. Many people spend years, if not their entire lifetime, looking for this thing called happiness, only to find it can never really be "found." According to Brown, in the quote above, the key to happiness is a bad memory; meaning in order to be happy you have to be able to forget the past.
But, is forgetting the past always a good idea? Isn't the past where we learned from mistakes that we, hopefully, won't make again? Isn't that where we learned what worked and what didn't, so we can move forward and do it better next time? I understand the appeal of forgetting the past, especially when it hurts. Things that people have said or done to us even years ago can haunt us forever if we don't make ourselves forget. Or, even worse, things that we have said or done to others can also haunt us if we don't make ourselves forget.
So, I'm wondering if it's not so much the bad memory that is the important part, or the ability to file it away for future reference. For instance, say a good friend went behind your back at work and caused a lot of trouble for you there. I bet you were mad, as you should have been. But just forgetting it may not be the best course of action. Maybe the better solution would be to process it, take what you've learned, then file that memory for later, if it ever ends up useful at a later date. Maybe you learned to be careful about figuring out who is or isn't trustworthy before divulging your every secret. Or maybe you learned that some things are better not told. Whatever it is, don't forget the past, learn from it.
The other issue I have with this quote is that "happiness" is merely a construct. It cannot be defined because it looks different for every person. My idea of happiness is probably a nightmare to some people, while the lives that others live is clearly not for me. This is perfectly fine, as long as each of us is happy in what and where we are in life.
Because happiness does not really exist, searching for it is nearly impossible. It cannot be found, but it can be created. Each of us has the choice to be happy or not; no one can make that choice for us. Sometimes it stinks that someone can't just come along at tell me, "be happy!" and make everything okay. But life wouldn't be worth much if it was just that easy. I consider it a great accomplishment when I am able to take whatever is bad in my life, file it away for another time (or not at all), and create happiness within myself based on all the blessings I have.
Uniformity and Homogeneity
I sometimes wonder what I would do if I were required to come up with something to write about on a daily, or even weekly basis. Clearly I am not cut out for that type of job, and I have gained a very high level of respect for people who are. My question is always, how do I make ideas come to me when nothing will?
Many years ago, when I was in college, when I had this problem, I had several strategies to cure this problem. One of them was to take a real, live, pen and paper to a quiet spot and just start writing. It almost seemed as if the actual process of moving the hand sparked creativity in ways that simply typing on a keyboard does not. I also found this strategy useful in seminary, when the same thing would happen.
While I am very pleased with the advancement of technology, and will not argue that it has opened doors that we have never even seen before, I often wonder if the nature of such technology might be causing us to lose some of our creative spark. Let's take a look at children's toys for a moment. I would be surprised to find one that does not talk, ding, play music, or move. It makes me sad when I see children pick up a toy and quickly put it back down again when they realize it doesn't "do" anything. I remember this happening with my own children, who actually had little access to such toys, and explaining to them that the joy in toys that don't do it for you, is that you can make it do whatever you want. They were very pleased with this answer for a long time. Then Alex hit the video game age. Luckily, Skylar never did get into them, and it appears that Alex is phasing out of it (thank you, God!).
Another example that comes to mind is musicians today. It is difficult to find a song on the radio that has not been "enhanced" in some way. Then, due to the fact that their recorded music has been altered, artists find themselves in the unfortunate position of having to lip sync in their performances, for fear of sounding less like the artist we know on the radio, or *gasp* making a mistake! For awhile, the new sound was amazing and interesting. Now, however, it makes almost all music sound the same. Again, this is sad, because we are turning into a culture that values uniformity, not the unique talents of individuals. Technology is not completely to blame for this shift, however; it is largely us, as human beings, forcing this undistinctive nature of the world around us.
As teachers, when we are lucky to find students who we might label eccentric, they are likely our least favorite students. Why? Because they don't fit within the norm. They challenge us, keep us on our toes, and make us think. I have a love/dislike relationship with students like this. Having too many of them throughout the day often leaves me tired and frustrated, but at the same time glad to have been able to successfully overcome that hurdle for yet another day. These are the students I will remember most, probably because they are the ones that demanded the most attention. And, in the end, I surprisingly reveal them as some of my favorites :)
I am in Houston today, enjoying some very much needed time off. I'm much more relaxed than I have been in awhile. Even sitting here in my hotel room, the different atmosphere has given me an entirely different outlook for now. The change of scenery helped me re-kindle the creative spark that I have missed so very much. So, in a couple days, when I return to my regular, every day life, and you see me sitting 'neath a tree, laying on a park bench, sitting in my car, or doing any other unusual thing, just smile and know that I am likely on my way to some ingenious idea, which you just might get to read here.
Many years ago, when I was in college, when I had this problem, I had several strategies to cure this problem. One of them was to take a real, live, pen and paper to a quiet spot and just start writing. It almost seemed as if the actual process of moving the hand sparked creativity in ways that simply typing on a keyboard does not. I also found this strategy useful in seminary, when the same thing would happen.
While I am very pleased with the advancement of technology, and will not argue that it has opened doors that we have never even seen before, I often wonder if the nature of such technology might be causing us to lose some of our creative spark. Let's take a look at children's toys for a moment. I would be surprised to find one that does not talk, ding, play music, or move. It makes me sad when I see children pick up a toy and quickly put it back down again when they realize it doesn't "do" anything. I remember this happening with my own children, who actually had little access to such toys, and explaining to them that the joy in toys that don't do it for you, is that you can make it do whatever you want. They were very pleased with this answer for a long time. Then Alex hit the video game age. Luckily, Skylar never did get into them, and it appears that Alex is phasing out of it (thank you, God!).
Another example that comes to mind is musicians today. It is difficult to find a song on the radio that has not been "enhanced" in some way. Then, due to the fact that their recorded music has been altered, artists find themselves in the unfortunate position of having to lip sync in their performances, for fear of sounding less like the artist we know on the radio, or *gasp* making a mistake! For awhile, the new sound was amazing and interesting. Now, however, it makes almost all music sound the same. Again, this is sad, because we are turning into a culture that values uniformity, not the unique talents of individuals. Technology is not completely to blame for this shift, however; it is largely us, as human beings, forcing this undistinctive nature of the world around us.
As teachers, when we are lucky to find students who we might label eccentric, they are likely our least favorite students. Why? Because they don't fit within the norm. They challenge us, keep us on our toes, and make us think. I have a love/dislike relationship with students like this. Having too many of them throughout the day often leaves me tired and frustrated, but at the same time glad to have been able to successfully overcome that hurdle for yet another day. These are the students I will remember most, probably because they are the ones that demanded the most attention. And, in the end, I surprisingly reveal them as some of my favorites :)
I am in Houston today, enjoying some very much needed time off. I'm much more relaxed than I have been in awhile. Even sitting here in my hotel room, the different atmosphere has given me an entirely different outlook for now. The change of scenery helped me re-kindle the creative spark that I have missed so very much. So, in a couple days, when I return to my regular, every day life, and you see me sitting 'neath a tree, laying on a park bench, sitting in my car, or doing any other unusual thing, just smile and know that I am likely on my way to some ingenious idea, which you just might get to read here.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Happy Birthday Alex!
Eight years ago today, I gave birth to the most amazing little boy I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. As I laid there gazing into his gorgeous green/brown eyes, with his father by my side doing the same, I just could not believe the wonder that was placed in my arms. Alexavier Daniel was the second perfect baby to be born to us, and it was just miraculous!
Alex certainly was different from the rest of us. He was loud right from the get go. He made his poor sister cry every time he did! He had the most awful reflux. He went through several changes of clothing daily (bibs were a joke compared to the spit up), cried non stop when his medicine ran out, and puked on and in everything imaginable, including my shoes, which landed me in a postpartum breakdown where I cried for hours about how I just couldn't be a mother anymore. Luckily, those moments don't last, or we'd never have any children! We also found out when he was 9 months old that he was anemic, which quickly explained why he was always cold, and therefore would not sleep through the night without being held or sleeping in a snowsuit Yes, we put him in a lightweight snowsuit, and called it his bananasuit because it was yellow and the hood was kind of pointed. We were so sad when he outgrew it. He survived what should have been deadly carbon monoxide poisoning, and made it through all the normal perils of infant-hood.
This little boy has lived in 2 states and 5 houses. He has seen it all, from city living, to rural village, to subdivision, though sadly, he only remembers the latter. He is the product of an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, make your own baby food, stay at home mom, and a dad who worked his butt off to provide for us. He is also the product of his grandparents who we either lived with or saw daily, and his other set of grandparents who saw him every few weeks. He went through having strange children in his home while I was a home daycare provider, then went to daycare himself when I went back to work when he was four years old. He's gone to two different elementary schools, due to boundary changes, and had friends come and go like crazy. He has played on various sports teams, some good, some bad, and participated in so many activities in school I can't even keep track. He is incredibly smart, cute, and most of all, loving. I see the best of me and his dad in him, and it makes me proud. At his best, I know we have done well. At his worst, I know his father screwed up (just kidding).
Alex is very much your typical little boy. He loves to play, and laugh, and have fun. He is way too cool to be seen hugging me in public, but when bedtime comes, he asks me to lay with him so he can hold my hand up to his face. He read books that weigh more than he does, but then asks me to read Little Critter to him. He is bold and brave, but gets his heart broken so easily when things don't go his way. He wants to be big in so many ways, but in my eyes, he is just so very little.
In short, I love that little boy! I am so blessed to have him. Every day, I try to remind myself that these days are short. Even though, in the midst of a throw himself on the floor tantrum, it seems like it can't end fast enough, his kid years will fly by so quickly. Before I know it, he will be looking down at me, and be proud to give me a hug and kiss, as he heads out the door to go back home to his own family. That will be one of my proudest moments, as I will then have the chance to see the work that we have done coming alive in him. But, for now, I'm enjoying my little boy kisses, silly jokes, and tickly feet. I'm loving his love for all things sparkly, sports balls, and trading cards. I'm trying to hold on to this very brief time in his life as tightly as I can. Alexavier will always be my baby; I am so lucky to have him!
Alex certainly was different from the rest of us. He was loud right from the get go. He made his poor sister cry every time he did! He had the most awful reflux. He went through several changes of clothing daily (bibs were a joke compared to the spit up), cried non stop when his medicine ran out, and puked on and in everything imaginable, including my shoes, which landed me in a postpartum breakdown where I cried for hours about how I just couldn't be a mother anymore. Luckily, those moments don't last, or we'd never have any children! We also found out when he was 9 months old that he was anemic, which quickly explained why he was always cold, and therefore would not sleep through the night without being held or sleeping in a snowsuit Yes, we put him in a lightweight snowsuit, and called it his bananasuit because it was yellow and the hood was kind of pointed. We were so sad when he outgrew it. He survived what should have been deadly carbon monoxide poisoning, and made it through all the normal perils of infant-hood.
This little boy has lived in 2 states and 5 houses. He has seen it all, from city living, to rural village, to subdivision, though sadly, he only remembers the latter. He is the product of an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, make your own baby food, stay at home mom, and a dad who worked his butt off to provide for us. He is also the product of his grandparents who we either lived with or saw daily, and his other set of grandparents who saw him every few weeks. He went through having strange children in his home while I was a home daycare provider, then went to daycare himself when I went back to work when he was four years old. He's gone to two different elementary schools, due to boundary changes, and had friends come and go like crazy. He has played on various sports teams, some good, some bad, and participated in so many activities in school I can't even keep track. He is incredibly smart, cute, and most of all, loving. I see the best of me and his dad in him, and it makes me proud. At his best, I know we have done well. At his worst, I know his father screwed up (just kidding).
Alex is very much your typical little boy. He loves to play, and laugh, and have fun. He is way too cool to be seen hugging me in public, but when bedtime comes, he asks me to lay with him so he can hold my hand up to his face. He read books that weigh more than he does, but then asks me to read Little Critter to him. He is bold and brave, but gets his heart broken so easily when things don't go his way. He wants to be big in so many ways, but in my eyes, he is just so very little.
In short, I love that little boy! I am so blessed to have him. Every day, I try to remind myself that these days are short. Even though, in the midst of a throw himself on the floor tantrum, it seems like it can't end fast enough, his kid years will fly by so quickly. Before I know it, he will be looking down at me, and be proud to give me a hug and kiss, as he heads out the door to go back home to his own family. That will be one of my proudest moments, as I will then have the chance to see the work that we have done coming alive in him. But, for now, I'm enjoying my little boy kisses, silly jokes, and tickly feet. I'm loving his love for all things sparkly, sports balls, and trading cards. I'm trying to hold on to this very brief time in his life as tightly as I can. Alexavier will always be my baby; I am so lucky to have him!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Spring Cleaning
Well, it's spring time once again, at least in the south, sorry northern friends. Days are getting warmer, while nights are staying cooler. In addition, I have had my windows open for the first time ever, really, which the cats are loving!
I'm getting ready to do my spring cleaning. Getting out boxes to sort stuff that's laying around the house, getting ready to donate too small or unworn clothing, trash bags for the real trash. And trying to come up with a new organizational system, since the one I have is clearly not working. I am also gearing up to finish some unfinished projects, and finding a way to get my new tv on the wall, so my kitchen table can leave the living room, and return to the kitchen. I also plan to dust every corner, vacuum ceiling fans, and find a way to clean those oh so dusty blinds. Maybe, just maybe, I'll take the Christmas tree down, as well :o
At school, I am in the process of recycling student work that has been sitting on a shelf since I don't know when, organizing my desk and other belongings, and *gasp* starting to pull stuff together for next year. I am dusting like crazy, and trying to get everything neat and tidy at the end of each day. I have discovered I love my job much more when I walk into a neat and clean room, and the students tend to work better, as well.
As if that isn't enough to do, I'm thinking it's time to "spring clean" myself. It's time to once again think about what I would like to accomplish in the near future, year, and perhaps even five years. What am I doing to reach my goals, and what more could I try to make these things happen?
My brain has been lacking stimulation lately. For example, I really miss taking grad school classes. I miss having my brain full of useless information. I need to challenge it daily to stay happy, and I haven't had that in 5 months. My plan is to start taking classes at a community college, just to keep my brain busy. Better get started with that. In addition, I need to get back to scrapbooking and sewing. I also need to use my creative side more, as it calms me more than anything else.
My body is still in need of revamping. I'm getting there, but I could surely be more dedicated. I haven't been to the gym in over two weeks, and I can surely tell. I have been eating better, but there's still room for improvement. My short term goal is to get the gym three days per week for the next 2 weeks. My long term goal is to reach my goal weight and measurements, which should take about 2 months if I commit to the 3 days per week and healthy eating.
Now for the dreaded topic - emotional health. How do we spring clean our emotional health, and why should we bother? I'm actually pretty proud of myself to say I've been doing a pretty good job in this area. I have been careful about who I let into my life, and whether they get to stay. I have become better at maintaining a gratitude journal, and trying to share my many blessings with others. I have also been much better about being very careful who I spend my time with. Not to sound snobby or anything, but I tend to take on the mood of those around me. Therefore, I have to be very careful to surround myself with generally happy people, so that I can pick that up.
Why bother checking in with our emotional health? Well, I believe it is truly the foundation of our well-being. When our emotional health is suffering, so does our physical health. It's been proven that depressed people can have trouble sleeping, eating issues, and are generally less healthy than non-depressed people. People who are under a lot of stress or anxiety have the same issue.
In summary, the point is, it's time to take care of not just our surroundings, but ourselves too. It's important to remember that in order to be all the things we need to be (moms, dads, husbands, wives, friends, our profession, etc), we first have to take responsibility for ourselves.
I'm getting ready to do my spring cleaning. Getting out boxes to sort stuff that's laying around the house, getting ready to donate too small or unworn clothing, trash bags for the real trash. And trying to come up with a new organizational system, since the one I have is clearly not working. I am also gearing up to finish some unfinished projects, and finding a way to get my new tv on the wall, so my kitchen table can leave the living room, and return to the kitchen. I also plan to dust every corner, vacuum ceiling fans, and find a way to clean those oh so dusty blinds. Maybe, just maybe, I'll take the Christmas tree down, as well :o
At school, I am in the process of recycling student work that has been sitting on a shelf since I don't know when, organizing my desk and other belongings, and *gasp* starting to pull stuff together for next year. I am dusting like crazy, and trying to get everything neat and tidy at the end of each day. I have discovered I love my job much more when I walk into a neat and clean room, and the students tend to work better, as well.
As if that isn't enough to do, I'm thinking it's time to "spring clean" myself. It's time to once again think about what I would like to accomplish in the near future, year, and perhaps even five years. What am I doing to reach my goals, and what more could I try to make these things happen?
My brain has been lacking stimulation lately. For example, I really miss taking grad school classes. I miss having my brain full of useless information. I need to challenge it daily to stay happy, and I haven't had that in 5 months. My plan is to start taking classes at a community college, just to keep my brain busy. Better get started with that. In addition, I need to get back to scrapbooking and sewing. I also need to use my creative side more, as it calms me more than anything else.
My body is still in need of revamping. I'm getting there, but I could surely be more dedicated. I haven't been to the gym in over two weeks, and I can surely tell. I have been eating better, but there's still room for improvement. My short term goal is to get the gym three days per week for the next 2 weeks. My long term goal is to reach my goal weight and measurements, which should take about 2 months if I commit to the 3 days per week and healthy eating.
Now for the dreaded topic - emotional health. How do we spring clean our emotional health, and why should we bother? I'm actually pretty proud of myself to say I've been doing a pretty good job in this area. I have been careful about who I let into my life, and whether they get to stay. I have become better at maintaining a gratitude journal, and trying to share my many blessings with others. I have also been much better about being very careful who I spend my time with. Not to sound snobby or anything, but I tend to take on the mood of those around me. Therefore, I have to be very careful to surround myself with generally happy people, so that I can pick that up.
Why bother checking in with our emotional health? Well, I believe it is truly the foundation of our well-being. When our emotional health is suffering, so does our physical health. It's been proven that depressed people can have trouble sleeping, eating issues, and are generally less healthy than non-depressed people. People who are under a lot of stress or anxiety have the same issue.
In summary, the point is, it's time to take care of not just our surroundings, but ourselves too. It's important to remember that in order to be all the things we need to be (moms, dads, husbands, wives, friends, our profession, etc), we first have to take responsibility for ourselves.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
A little bit of everything - aka catching up
Wow! It sure has been awhile! Guess I was busy living life, all while there wasn't much to say. It's spring time, meaning the little one is back into sports, and my big one is learning to stay home by herself for the first time, since she is "too cool" to watch her brother's practice. State testing is right around the corner, meaning teachers and students are nervous, tired, frustrated, and frazzled. To look on the bright side, testing season also marks the almost end of a school year! It has gone incredibly quickly, and I'm ecstatic that it is almost over. To say it's been a rough year is a serious under statement; we all need the break.
Speaking of school, my big kid is about to be a middle schooler - a MIDDLE SCHOOLER, for goodness sake! Where did my little baby who liked to swing on swings, be tickled on her belly, and think I was the smartest and most beautiful thing around, go? I know she's still in there somewhere, hidden beneath the preteen from he-- okay, I'll stop there with that one.
Despite her frequent episodes of pre-teen-hood, she is still the most beautiful, kind, and caring young lady I have ever met. She is responsible, takes care of herself, and has even started taking care of her brother and me without me even asking. She has learned that life is going to be okay, no matter what happens, and makes sure to tell me that when I need to hear it. God, thank you for giving her to me to take care of for you!
Now, back to my little one, who is, apparently, not so little anymore. He will be celebrating his 8th birthday in a week! Oh my goodness! Where did my freckle-faced, big eared, toothless grinned, grubby all over, sticky uppy haired, little boy go? He, too is still in there, sweet as can be behind that all-boy facade. He is just in love with life, and gets his little heart broken so easily when things don't go his way. He's so smart, but would would rather kick or throw a ball of some sort. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he said a football and soccer ball. He already has at least 3 of each in different colors, sizes, and materials. He takes one with him to school, to his dad's house, and to bed. He's growing up to be a real ladies man, I tell ya! He's got the adorable face, broad shoulders, athleticism, personality, and class clownish that all the girls love. Plus, after living with a sister for so long, he knows how girls work. God, thank you for also giving him to me to take care of for you!
The kids have adjusted fairly well to their new living arrangement, spending most their time with me, and a little time with their dad. Alex misses him horribly, but is starting to understand it's a permanent thing, so he is learning to cope with it. Skylar, being older, would prefer we be together, but is old enough to understand it won't happen, and everything will be okay despite it.
The sad news for me is that the man I love moved away. Long distance is certainly not either of our things, so it's basically over for now, probably forever. I'm happy for him, it's a good opportunity for him, and he needed the change. I'm sad for myself, but I know I will move on; apparently something different is in store for me, and I can't wait to see what it is! It's funny how God always works in ways and at times we don't expect.
I'm coming up on what would have been my 12th wedding anniversary, and the one year anniversary of me speaking the unthinkable words, "I want a divorce." I still think that is the biggest oxymoron imaginable, but don't get me started on that one again. Right now I'm thinking it will be no big deal, but we'll see how that goes. Unfortunately, that is a testing day, so I will have 4+ hours of absolute silence while I stare at students testing. That could turn out to be a very, very bad thing. Or, a very good one, we shall see. Either way, I have been told repeatedly that I look much happier. Apparently I appeared unhappy before, which I didn't realize. Go figure.
I've started working out again, which makes me feel great. That, and changing my eating habits every so slightly has made a huge improvement, in my mood more than my weight, and in toning what I've got. Most importantly, I feel better, which automatically makes me look better :)
Finally, I have to thank my good friend for giving me the most vivid and accurate analogy of love and relationships I have ever heard. Wading through your own and each other's sh*t to get to the other side and be with each other. You keep going and going with a smile on your face so the other person doesn't stop and go back the other way, and when you both make it to the other side, you say, "I'm so happy to be here with you!" You don't complain about all the stuff you had to trudge through to get there. Boy, that one made me think. And laugh. It still gives me the giggles to think about it.
And that, my friends, is my last several months in a nutshell. I have a lot more time for thinking and writing these days, so I may just grace you with a few more posts than I have lately. For that, I know you are eternally grateful, but no need to thank me. Have a good night, ttyl, ttfn, and all that jazz.
Speaking of school, my big kid is about to be a middle schooler - a MIDDLE SCHOOLER, for goodness sake! Where did my little baby who liked to swing on swings, be tickled on her belly, and think I was the smartest and most beautiful thing around, go? I know she's still in there somewhere, hidden beneath the preteen from he-- okay, I'll stop there with that one.
Despite her frequent episodes of pre-teen-hood, she is still the most beautiful, kind, and caring young lady I have ever met. She is responsible, takes care of herself, and has even started taking care of her brother and me without me even asking. She has learned that life is going to be okay, no matter what happens, and makes sure to tell me that when I need to hear it. God, thank you for giving her to me to take care of for you!
Now, back to my little one, who is, apparently, not so little anymore. He will be celebrating his 8th birthday in a week! Oh my goodness! Where did my freckle-faced, big eared, toothless grinned, grubby all over, sticky uppy haired, little boy go? He, too is still in there, sweet as can be behind that all-boy facade. He is just in love with life, and gets his little heart broken so easily when things don't go his way. He's so smart, but would would rather kick or throw a ball of some sort. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he said a football and soccer ball. He already has at least 3 of each in different colors, sizes, and materials. He takes one with him to school, to his dad's house, and to bed. He's growing up to be a real ladies man, I tell ya! He's got the adorable face, broad shoulders, athleticism, personality, and class clownish that all the girls love. Plus, after living with a sister for so long, he knows how girls work. God, thank you for also giving him to me to take care of for you!
The kids have adjusted fairly well to their new living arrangement, spending most their time with me, and a little time with their dad. Alex misses him horribly, but is starting to understand it's a permanent thing, so he is learning to cope with it. Skylar, being older, would prefer we be together, but is old enough to understand it won't happen, and everything will be okay despite it.
The sad news for me is that the man I love moved away. Long distance is certainly not either of our things, so it's basically over for now, probably forever. I'm happy for him, it's a good opportunity for him, and he needed the change. I'm sad for myself, but I know I will move on; apparently something different is in store for me, and I can't wait to see what it is! It's funny how God always works in ways and at times we don't expect.
I'm coming up on what would have been my 12th wedding anniversary, and the one year anniversary of me speaking the unthinkable words, "I want a divorce." I still think that is the biggest oxymoron imaginable, but don't get me started on that one again. Right now I'm thinking it will be no big deal, but we'll see how that goes. Unfortunately, that is a testing day, so I will have 4+ hours of absolute silence while I stare at students testing. That could turn out to be a very, very bad thing. Or, a very good one, we shall see. Either way, I have been told repeatedly that I look much happier. Apparently I appeared unhappy before, which I didn't realize. Go figure.
I've started working out again, which makes me feel great. That, and changing my eating habits every so slightly has made a huge improvement, in my mood more than my weight, and in toning what I've got. Most importantly, I feel better, which automatically makes me look better :)
Finally, I have to thank my good friend for giving me the most vivid and accurate analogy of love and relationships I have ever heard. Wading through your own and each other's sh*t to get to the other side and be with each other. You keep going and going with a smile on your face so the other person doesn't stop and go back the other way, and when you both make it to the other side, you say, "I'm so happy to be here with you!" You don't complain about all the stuff you had to trudge through to get there. Boy, that one made me think. And laugh. It still gives me the giggles to think about it.
And that, my friends, is my last several months in a nutshell. I have a lot more time for thinking and writing these days, so I may just grace you with a few more posts than I have lately. For that, I know you are eternally grateful, but no need to thank me. Have a good night, ttyl, ttfn, and all that jazz.
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