So, this week I have been reflecting on how life takes us on the most interesting and unexpected journeys. A friend of mine told me once, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Isn't that the truth. I had my life planned out since I was very young. I knew what I wanted my life to be, and how it was going to be right up until the day I died. Other than being a teacher and mother, I think the rest of it has not happened (and many other wonderful things have).
For instance, I was going to graduate college, get married, have my first child when I was 23, stay home with her/him for a very long time, add in another kid, or two, and stay happily married forever after. None of that happened (but I did get to stay home for 8 years, for which I must thank my ex-husband for supporting us financially for all those years).
Another example, while I did fulfill my dream to be a teacher, middle school math intervention in a Title I school is a far cry from pre-k teacher that I had planned. Very different, but I love it, still.
Then there's the divorce. That certainly wasn't on my bucket list. But, still, it's okay.
The list goes on and on and on...
So, now the question: Is it really that unusual to not have any regrets? When I was going to counseling, she told me I wasn't in touch with my emotions because I couldn't regret anything. Is it that strange to be at peace with the way my life has worked out? Of course, there are things I wish I had done differently, but I do not feel a sense of regret over it, just wishing I had known then what I know now. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what it is.
Example time again: When Skylar was 3, we moved from our home in Vermont to an area in upstate NY to be closer to my family (that and my husband lost his job and was offered to relocate instead). It was an awful experience. So awful, in fact, that I actually went to live with my in-laws while my husband stayed behind to work, only coming to visit me, our 3 year old daughter, and newborn son every weekend, or every other weekend.
Crazy, right? Well, we loved it so much there that my husband found a job there so that we could stay. We lived with my in-laws for an entire year. Skylar was so happy to have her grandparents around, they were thrilled to have both kids around to help take care of, and as it turned out, Alex was a very high need baby, and their amazing help is probably what kept us all alive during that first year. Even though my in-laws were going through an otherwise awful time in their lives, they were so happy to have us with them, that it made up for all of it. My father-in-law told me he was happier than he had been in such a long time, and that he was sorry our last living arrangement didn't work out, but was glad it happened so we'd end up with them instead.
My father-in-law passed away after we had lived with them for a year, unexpectedly. He died the happiest man alive. In addition, my mother-in-law was not alone to deal with this all by herself. She was surrounded by her family, and most importantly, her grandchildren, who kept her going on the really rough days.
I truly believe that God's hand was in all of that, despite the fact that we didn't see it at the time. I try, to the best of my ability, when life comes at me from a dozen directions at mach speed, to remember this. Sometimes I forget, and that's when I get into my life is horrible crying fits (I usually only cry when I'm overtired, physically or mentally). Luckily, I have great friends to listen to me without telling me I'm crazy for doing so.
I guess the point to this post is to remind all of us that sometimes we need to just take life as it comes at us, don't fret over why it is, and just wait patiently for finding out what it all means.
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