A thing called Grace

I must say that this weekend was one of the most emotionally draining stretches of time I have had in a long time. I'm not sure entirely what prompted it, but in the end, it was all about the fact that I had lost just about everything that meant anything to me in the last months, weeks, and days. And, in my mind, I was about to lose a friendship that was also important. In all my desire to be in control, I decided to end this friendship on my own terms, as in NOW! Luckily, after a good conversation with my soon-to-be-ex-friend, I was talked out of that decision, and all seems well on that front now.; It's funny to see how we act when we are scared, hurt, or at our most vulnerable.

When I am scared, hurt, or vulnerable, I tend to act 1 of 3 ways: either I withdraw into my own little corner of the world and don't let anybody in, lest they know something is wrong, or, in my desire to be in control of a situation I can't be, I attempt to find ways to do so, usually failing miserably. Finally, and most regretfully, I am also known to lash out at those around me. Why? Well, because I can, I guess. I'm sorry, I have no better reason other than I'm worn down and don't feel like being nice to people.

I think this time around, I did a little of each: I tried to control the situation by ending the friendship on my terms, I did a little yelling about things that were not really worthy of yelling, and I did a lot of withdrawing. Luckily, my friends know me well enough to know I'm hiding in my own little corner and then draw me back out of it.

Now for my mini-sermon (or lecture, if you prefer):

This situation reminded me how important it is to not judge one's behavior, but to be there to support them with love in whatever way they need. Clearly, there are things I have done in my life that I'm not so proud of, but having friends who love me anyway is an amazing way to bring myself back out of those messes I made for myself. We all have moments when what we need may seem silly to others; still it is critical that we reach out to whatever that need is. Even to those people or behaviors we don't really care for.

This, my friends, is called grace. It is similar to the grace that is given to us in God's eyes, despite our imperfections. It is forgiving the unforgiveable, and allowing people second, and third, and who knows how many chances. It's understanding that that guy that just yelled at you for taking too long at the gas station might be having a bad day, or even moment. It's considering that the co-worker who has been nasty to you all week might be having a bad week, month, or even year. It is truly understanding and appreciating that someone else might have a problem bigger than mine.

I am truly thankful for the grace that was granted me this weekend from my friend whom I tried to ditch, from my other friends who listened to me cry about it for days, and especially for the grace given to me from God for all the things I do to mess up. A free gift for me from God; I didn't earn it, I can't lose it. It's free for the taking for all would like it (even you!).